How to Know When You Should Break Up – 20 Signs You Must Know

How to Know When You Should Break Up

Some people stay on abusive relationships for years, just because they don’t know when to breakup. But the question is do you know when?

Don’t worry just because a chapter of your life is about to close.

It only means that a new chapter is going to be opened shortly.

If you have made it to this page, it means that you are probably struggling with some soul-crushing fears about the future of your relationship.

Maybe you have some doubts about whether you are in the right relationship or not.

You may feel like your relationship has grown stale because you no longer feel those butterflies in your stomach when you see your partner.

It is also possible that you have had to face some fairly useless arguments with your partner on a daily basis. However, ending a relationship is not very easy.

Moreover, you should be sure that this relationship is not going to work for you before you decide to break up.

It’s better to know it will not work than waiting for later.

So, here are some signs about how you can know whether or not you should break up:

How to Know When You Should Break Up

1)  You know that you’re in the wrong relationship –

I had a horrible six-year relationship with my ex – girlfriend. And, during those years, every now and then, I felt like I was in the wrong relationship.

I always thought that I would be happier without that relationship. We were not the best match for one another. And somehow, I knew that we would better off without each other.

So, what about you? Do you feel that you would be better off without your partner? If so, you should take this as is the biggest sign that you should break up (see more How to get over someone who broke your heart).

2) You always feel self-pity –

Ask yourself these two questions:

  • How often do I feel happy in this relationship?
  • How often do I feel miserable in this relationship?

Analyze your answers to these questions and then, you will know whether or not you are happy or miserable in your relationship. If you find yourself miserable more often, then know that you should break up.

People, who are in healthy relationships, spend more time loving and enjoying each other – and  spend less time  fighting and arguing with one another.

If you always feel annoyed and helpless, then it’s time to break off the relationship. No matter how long you spend in the relationship, you will never feel happier about it.

3) You always feel like your partner doesn’t understand you –

In order to have a long-lasting relationship, you need to feel being understood and appreciated. Without these two things, a relationship can’t continue to grow. Even if it survives for a long time, you will remain miserable and you will never enjoy the relationship.

4) Your never feel being heard –

Do you always feel that your partner always gives more weight to what they say and neglect what you say?

When couples stop feeling like being heard by their partner, they start losing the motivation they once had to resolve relationship problems. Also, they start losing trust in each other.

Being heard in a relationship is very important if you want your relationship to survive. If you are not feeling this way, you should break up because it’s a sign that you have probably chosen the wrong partner.

5) Your partner always talks about their exes –

Do you find that your partner is always talking about their past glorious moments with their ex? If so, then they are probably not happy with you.

It is also possible that they are in the relationship with you not because they truly love you, but because they just want to get over their ex.

So, it might not be a healthy relationship for you.

6) Your partner has far different values than yours –

In my training course The Master Training Kit: How to Get Over Your Ex In 14 Days, I say that  misalignment in values and beliefs are two major factors for breakups.

Significantly different life values always leads to hateful fights and arguments and it can destroy passion for the relationship.

7) The more time you spend with your partner, the worse off you feel –

Does this happen to you? If so, then do you have any good explanation for it other than your relationship?

In a good relationship, the more time partners spend together the better they’ll feel. They become more optimists and happy just after they spent time together.

However, if you are in a wrong relationship, the more time you spend together, the more miserable you become.

8) You always find that you are unable to resolve conflicts –

Every relationship has some conflicts and these are normally solved without much effort. If people respect each other, then resolving conflicts will not be a big deal for them.

However, in a wrong relationship, you always find yourselves unable to resolve conflicts. On the other hand, the more you try to resolve these conflicts, the bigger they’ll become.

9) You are unable to ‘be yourself’ in the relationship –

You often try to be someone else just to make your partner happy. You sometimes believe that you are not worth for your partner. Your partner usually claims that you have to change many of your actions.

Sound familiar? If so, you are unable to ‘be yourself’. And without being true to yourself, you might stop enjoying yourself.

10) They never trust you –

Your partner never trusts you. They spy on your phone or Facebook profile to check whether there is someone else in your life. They never trust what you say. And it is often hard for you to convince your partner that you are genuine.

11) You find that your partner frequently ‘check outs’ others –

Some people claim that the more you love the worse you feel. However, this is not the completely true.

It may be possible that you fight and argue with your partner sometimes. However, most of the time, you feel being appreciated, loved, and cared for.  Most of the time, you will feel better about yourself if you are in aright relationship.

On the other hand, if you are in a wrong one, you will spend the majority of your time feeling bad about yourself.

12) Very frequent breakups – 

When two persons involve into a relationship, it is very common that they will fight sometimes. However, if they always fights and break up in every four or five days, then this is an abusive relationship.

Both partners want to beak the relationship and separate them from each other. If you are in such a relationship, you should break up now. Or else you will become so attach to the relationship that you will be too afraid to live without your abusive partner.

13) You always think that the relationship is your ultimate source of UNHAPPINESS –

Do you find that your relationship is draining your mental calmness? Do you always find that your self confidence is ruining because of criticizing behavior of your partner? Do you feel that you are running like a fan which runs but never reach anywhere?

Best of all if you find that you are physical health is also affecting badly cause of your relationship, then such a relationship is not worth keeping on. 🙂

14) You are often being cheated on –

In my training material How to Get Over Your Ex In 14 Days, I say that someone cheats on his or her partner when he or she finds that his or her partner is unable to provide something which he or she wanted so much.

In simple words, if a guy who always had a crush for blonds might cheat on his brunette girlfriend when he has a chance with a blonde.

Most people fall in love with someone without understanding their core needs from a relationship. Later they find that they are not into an ideal relationship.

Sometimes, when these people find a chance to satisfy some of their core needs outside from a relationship, they cheat on their partners.

So what all these do have to do with how to know when you should break up?

Actually, if your partner cheated on you once, then it can be justified. However, if they are cheated on you so many times, then it is a warning sing that you lack something which is so much important for your partner.

In other words, you are unable to provide something emotionally or physically to your partner which they are craving for.

The bottom line is you might remain on the same relationship and face some heart-crushing cheating stories of your partner or you should breakup right now.

Remember that you might say that you can change yourself in a way that your partner will not have to cheat on you. However, it normally doesn’t happen.

I spent 6 years with my cheating ex, if I had read this advice, I would have saved my precious 5 years.

15) Your partner has no interest on spending time with you alone –

Everyone wants to spend some quality time with his or her partner. And if your partner is not interested in spending anytime with you alone, then probably they are not anymore interested in you.

Think how they chased after you in the starting of the relationship. At that time, they always wanted to spend time with you alone.

Then why do they don’t want to spend some time with you alone.

The only possible answer is that they have lost interest in you (see more How to tell if your ex has moved on) .

16) Friendship is better than relationship –

Do you think so? If yes, then you should break up. We all have some awesome friends. And in any stage of relationship, if you find that your intimacy with your friends is stronger than that of your partner, then probably you have chosen the wrong partner.

17) Too much difference between personalities –

A good relationship depends on how compatible the partners are for each other. If the two partners are very different in their personalities then it is really hard to save that relationship by counseling.

Moreover, if they could sustain the relationship, it is hard to assume that they will enjoy the relationship. Thus, breaking up will be a good choice.

18) Intimacy is gone –

Are you afraid to share secrets with your partner as you did before? Do you feel safe to share your worries and emotional problems with your partner?

Or do you find that your partner doesn’t show any type of intimacy with you nowadays?

If your answer is yes to all of these questions, then it is very likely that the intimacy is gone between you and your partner. In this case, either you should break up or you are soon facing a breakup.

19) People know about your fights –

People know about the fights of couples only when the frequency of fights and their intensity is much bigger than normal fights between couples.

If it seems that everyone around you knows that you always have fights with your partner, then you should consider this a big sign to reconsider your relationship.

20) 100% uncompleted promises –

However, we are not able to complete lots of the promises we made in the past, yet if your partner never completed any promises they made, then it is very likely that they will never complete any promise in the future, too.

When a partner has a record of 100% broken promises, then rest assure that they are not serious about the relationship.

Should I break up with my girlfriend/boyfriend?

If you find that there are more than 10 reasons to break up with your partner, then you should break up.

Minor fights and negligible arguments can be fixed if you have intimacy and trust in the relationship.

However if the problem is bigger and there are multiple signs to break up, then you should understand that some relationship can’t be fixed.

And it is better to break up and move on rather than trying to fix an unfixable relationship for years.

Will breaking up with my partner be easy?

No! It won’t!

In one of my post, Breaking up with someone you still love, I said that people misunderstand attachment as love, that’s why breaking an unhealthy relationship is also tough.

However, you should not worry about this because my program The Master Training Kit: How to Get Over Your Ex In 14 Days will dramatically decrease your pains and sufferings of breakup in a few days.



Image courtesy of Jeanne Claire Maarbes at

About The Author

Alex J. Stevenson

Alex J. Stevenson isn't a PhD holder on psychology. However, he better understand how to use psychology in real life to forget an ex and feel good.   By doing so, he has helped thousands of men and women to get over their exes (see praise here).   If you've been struggling to get over your ex, get access to his training material The Master training Kit: How to Get Over Your Ex In 14 Days. He guarantees that you will recover from your breakup, or else your money will be refunded.


  • Hayley

    December 16, 2015

    Very insightful post. I enjoyed reading it. 🙂

  • Alex J. Stevenson

    January 29, 2016

    Thanks for your comment Hayley. 🙂

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