A toxic relationship is toxic for a reason. And one of the surest ways to an unsatisfied life is to remain in a toxic relationship even though you know that it’s pushing you down so much.
A toxic relationship is something which consumes most of your energy, makes you vulnerable and feels unworthy.
You lose your mental calmness and physical health. In short, it is something which is really toxic to your overall life.
If you are wondering how to let go of a toxic relationship that is going nowhere, then first you need to judge whether you are really in a toxic relationship. To do this, visit these two posts:
It’s not good to deliver the same information on multiple posts, therefore I just gave the links of those posts.
Just visit them, and if you find that your relationship is showing most of those signs then you can make sure that your relationship is really toxic and it’s time to break up.
Letting go of a toxic relationship – steps you need to follow
1) Focus on dealing with your emotions rather than controlling the other person –
If you are in a relationship that is not working, then focus on dealing with your own unwanted emotions and don’t give much weight to how to control that person.
Think what if that person is removed from your life? Would you be able to feel good then?
I don’t think so. Even if that person breaks up with you, you will feel terrible, not because your relationship was awesome, but because you will have to face terrible and unwanted emotions.
If you know the correct way to deal with those unwanted emotions, letting go of a toxic relationship will be easier for you. (For more info on how to deal with unwanted emotions after a break up, get access to my training material The Master Training Kit: How to Get Over Your Ex In 14 Days)
2) Learn how to stop dwelling over the past –
It is very common that when you let go of a relationship, you over think what went wrong? Or what could you have done to save that relationship another way.
You might think that it is good because now you are analyzing your mistakes and people learn from their mistakes. However, this is not productive.
You can’t go in the past and change something which would have made your relationship awesome.
The more your dwell on the past, the more you regret it, and the more you will suffer from it.
Always remember that people dwell over the past only if they are unhappy with their present life.
So, in order to stop dwelling over the past, you should do something with can bring happiness in your present life.
And it doesn’t really mean that you should do big things to be happy in the present, you can do small things to fix your mood in your present life.
For examples, you can meet any of your old friends whose presence makes you happy. You can watch funny shows on TV. You can also watch funny videos on YouTube.
Some other things you could do is spending time on your hobbies and doing some social work for free.
All these things are very small things which anyone can do in a day. And they are good things to do and fix your mood for the short term.
However, they are good to make you feel happy in your present life. And the happier you are in your present the less you will dwell over the past. (I talked about this in details in my The Master Training Kit)
3) Stop self-criticism
“I made that mistake” “I shouldn’t have done that” “Oh my god! Why did I not do that?” sounds crazy?
I am pretty sure that you are familiar with all these questions because they have occupied your heart.
Do you know why these thoughts have occupied your heart?
It is because you believe that you did something wrong which caused you to suffer like this.
You believe that you are the wholesomely responsible for the pain you are suffering right now. However, it is not correct.
It is not wise to blame yourself for everything wrong which has happened in your life.
If everything depended on you, you did the right things so that you would not have to face pain like you are facing now. Wouldn’t you?
Just remember that it’s human nature to make errors and you are not completely responsible for everything which went wrong in your life.
Criticizing yourself all the time is not a good thing to do. 🙂
4) Close the relationship properly –
It is our minds nature that it always wants to complete the incomplete tasks of the past. It always tries to remind us the incomplete tasks so that we can complete them.
For an example, if you have two important projects and you complete only one and the second is incomplete, you will be a little worried about the second incomplete project.
And as long as you don’t complete it, you will get reminders in a form of bad emotions that you should complete it as soon as possible.
A similar thing happens when a relationship ends without closure.
If you want to let go of a toxic relationship but you didn’t end it properly, you will suffer for a long period.
On the other hand, if your ex didn’t break the relationship with you properly like they broke up on the phone or texts, then you will suffer for a long period, too.
The best thing you should do in either case is to confront your ex and tell them to their face that the relationship was toxic for you and you don’t want to go back to that relationship again (see Signs your ex has moved on) .
Doing this will complete your incomplete task of the breakup, and it will properly close the relationship.
5) Remember the child psychology –
When a child loses an old toy, he cries as though he has lost gold. And when he finds that toy, he gives it not much value, as though it were mud.
We are not children, of course. However, we behave like them.
When people are in a toxic relationship, they don’t give much importance to their partner. However, when they lose them, they feel that their ex is much more important to them.
Remember that unimportant things seem much more important when we lost them. And it is not because those are important, but because we just lost them. 🙂
Dealing with grief is not easy, but just remember that your ex was not very important to your happiness.
If they were, you would not have searched for the information ‘when to let go of a relationship’.
6) Be grateful for not having a toxic relationship –
As long as you are in a toxic relationship, you won’t feel great. That’s a good reason for letting go of your ex. Remember this whenever any thoughts of grief pops up in your mind (see more What to do after a breakup).
7) Make a list of 10 benefits of letting go –
Now it’s time to focus on the benefits of moving on. It might be possible that you are dealing with emotions of regret, shame and guilt. And these are making you hold onto the past.
Instead of just facing those emotions, you should change your focus to benefits of letting go. So make your list right now.
Benefits of letting go –
Make this list on a piece of paper and place it in your room. It will help you to change your focus from negative to positive aspects of letting go of a relationship.
8) Face your fears –
Suppose that you are locked into a dark room, and you are not hearing any type sound from outside. Will you be fearful in this situation?
You might be fearful to think that a ghost might appear somewhere near you and that he will attack you.
However, if the room is not dark and a bulb is switched on, you might not be scared about a ghost.
The same principal applies when you are in an emotionally abusive relationship and you just broke up, and you don’t know what will happen next.
Actually, you will be fearful about what would happen next.
However, if your heart is full of the right knowledge of your own emotions, psychological problems and how to understand them, then you might not fear the darkness of unknown.
There are very few books on letting go of relationships which are written on understanding core human psychology.
My training material The Master Training Kit: How to Get Over Your Ex In 14 Days is one of those guides.
If you are suffering from a break up and horrible emotions, then just try it. You will be amazed at how soon you recover from your worst break up in just a few days.
Have any questions?
Just write down in the comments. 🙂
Image courtesy of marcolm at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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