So, you are unable to stop dwelling on the past, and this is making you not to enjoy your present.
Most probably, you are encountering with these questions:
- How to stop dwelling on mistakes
- How to stop dwelling on past hurts
- How to stop dwelling on things you can’t change
- How to stop dwelling on the past in relationships
- How to stop dwelling on a past relationship
All of these questions are slightly different, yet the basic concept to deal with all these problems is same.
To understand this concept, let’s hear the story of Maria.
Maria is an employee in a private company. Her term with her boss is not good. She actually hates her boss. Sometimes, they have small arguments.
One day she has a hateful argument with her boss. And then she is got fired from the job.
When she returns home, she thinks that she did the right thing. It is not good to agree with all things your boss wants.
She is a little disappointed, yet she doesn’t dwell on that hateful event.
Next day, she starts searching for another job. As she is a skillful employee, she thinks that finding another job won’t be a big issue for her.
However, she searches for a job for a whole month, yet she hasn’t found any.
Thus, she starts dwelling over the past. Now she starts spending her day thinking about why she had a hateful argument with her boss. She starts over thinking the mistakes she made during she was employed.
She thinks that if she didn’t make those mistakes, she would have that job.
What do you think why she is dwelling over the past mistakes, hurts and things she can’t change?
The three dimensions of life
We human enjoy our present only if there are no regrets for the past and no future worries.
There is another interesting fact. Our regrets for the past are greatly depend on our worries about future.
If we find a way to stop worrying about future, our regrets about past will gradually decreases.
In above example, what would happen if Maria gets a job offer with better wages after a while?
Would she still dwell on her mistakes she made in her previous job?
In fact, if she gets a better environment in her new job, she would gradually starting becoming happier and she wouldn’t have any reason to dwell on past hurt and mistakes.
So the lesson you can take from this story is if you are dwelling on the past because something bad happened to you, then you need to do something to make your future better than your past.
If you are got fired from a job, then find a better job. If someone dumped you because they got another one, then improve yourself and find a much better partner.
If you are feeling guilty because someone was begging you to lend them money but you refused because you don’t have any money at that time, then try hard to become rich and build a Charitable trust on your name, and then give money to lots of other poor people.
The idea is whatever thing is making you dwell on the past, make efforts in your present that you will get those things in future.
How to stop dwelling on the things you can’t change?
In most of the time, there is always a substitute of the thing you just lost or things you can’t change.
For example, if someone is obsessing a girl but she is already married, then there is always a possibility that he can find another girl who looks similar or has similar traits to her (see more How to find love again) .
However, sometimes it seems that there is no substitute to the things you lost, and then it will become hard to stop dwelling on your mistakes.
For example, if someone is lost his legs because of bad driving, it will not be easy for him to stop dwelling on his mistakes.
In such a situation, we need another thing which is acceptance.
If you can’t change certain thing, then you must accept that it happened and you can’t change it.
The best way to deal with your negative emotions in such a situation is to repeat the phrase, “it has done” whenever any negative thoughts pops up in your mind.
Once acceptance is done, you need to think about what you can do to make your life better.
For example, the person who lost his legs in road accident can search for the best doctors who can provide him artificial legs.
However, it may be possible that he will not be able to run or walk as well as he used to before, yet he will be able to walk (to understand more about this, see the bonus material of The Master Training Kit: How to Get Over Your Ex In 14 Days).
This small hope will make that person stop dwelling in the past.
How to stop dwelling on the past in relationships?
If this is the question you were searching for, then I am pretty sure that what I am about to say you won’t like.
Most probably, you are in the wrong relationship. You are dwelling on the past because either you think that your ex was better than your current partner, or you are not enjoying the relationship as much as you were enjoying it in the starting.
If you are not married and you are just in a relationship, then you must take deep consideration of other things in your relationship.
Introspect whether it is worth keeping or leaving (see more When to let go of a relationship – don’t be a frog).
In case, you are married and have kids, and you are missing the honeymoon period, then you must invest some time and money on any education program which teaches you how to reignite the spark.
When you fix your relationship issues and start enjoying your relationship once again, you won’t dwell in the past anymore.
How to stop dwelling on a past relationship?
If this is your problem, then defiantly my program The Master Training Kit: How to Get Over Your Ex In 14 Days is for you.
In this course, I tell people that the main reason people miss the old memories of past relationship is that there is no exciting things are happening in their present life.
Moreover, they exaggeratedly start depicting their ex as the best person on the planet.
Invest on this program, and all your regrets about past relationship will fade away.
Image courtesy of adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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