Why Do We Fall in Love With Someone [Hidden Psychology]

As you start growing up, you start developing unmet desires, getting experience about people, adopting values from your surroundings and forming beliefs from a number of sources. First four factors make your love catalog. And this Catalog is the reason why you feel for certain personalities and not for other ones…

Ever wonder how you can get over someone by understanding Love Catalog and Love Psychology?

Unless you know why we fall in love with someone, it’s hard to get over your ex.

Moreover, it is also hard to find your true soul mate unless you understand the love psychology.

Poets and novelists have been describing love as the most mysterious thing on the earth.

The feeling of love is positive and elegant enough that people fear to describe science and psychology behind it.

Anyway, you don’t have to worry about anything because you have landed on the right place. Here you will learn the exact reasons why someone falls in love with another one.

And why sometimes people fall in love with someone they can’t have.

How does someone fall in love?

John is a guy with exceptional academic success. He wears big nerdy goggles. Everything is right in his life except he is underweight and coward, too.

Daniel is a guy who goes to the same college where John studies. Daniel is poor in studies and he hasn’t any academic success. This is the reason why Daniel doesn’t like John.

Daniel always tries to find a way to put down John so that he can heal his ego.

Daniel always makes fun of John, and John always wants to stop Daniel to do so, but he was not able to do anything because Daniel is enormous.

John starts hating Daniel and he also starts avoiding him in college.

One day, Daniel is making fun of John. A girl, Stephanie, comes and stops Daniel. Stephanie is a girl who is average in studies but she wants to achieve exceptional academic success. That’s the reason she wants to make acquaintance with John.

She tells Daniel that it’s not wise to make fun of anyone publicly. And it would better for him to learn how to be mannerly in public places.

John feels a great amount of attraction towards Stephanie. He feels that now there is someone who understands him.

Next day when John goes to college, Stephanie meets him. And she tells him that Daniel is not a good guy. He is a rude and arrogant.

Now that’s enough for John. He falls in love with Stephanie. Thereafter, he doesn’t lose any opportunity to meet and talk to Stephanie.

This is how John fell in love with Stephanie.

Most of romantic stories you read sounds similar to this, doesn’t it?

Well, after a while, Stephanie also finds that John is chasing after her. The thought that the person who has exceptional academic success is chasing after her thrills her. She also starts feeling for John.

Why do we fall in love with someone?

To understand this, first I want to ask you a few questions.

  • Did John already happy in his life before he meets Stephanie?
  • Would John have fallen in love with Stephanie if Daniel weren’t in John’s life?
  • Had Stephanie felt attracted towards John if she were extremely good in studies?
  • Or had she felt attracted towards John if he were just an average guy in study?

It is completely logical to understand the process of falling in love. This is based on science and principles.

If you look at above story, you will understand the reasons why we fall in love with someone depends on many factors.

Here we will discuss the major factor of falling in love with someone.

Here are they:

  • You unmet desires (mostly these are developed by your failures)
  • Your past
  • Your values for life
  • Your beliefs
  • The timing the other person enters in your life
  • How the other person reacts when you flirt with them (however this is not as much important as previous 5 factors are)

Your subconscious mind and your Love Catalog –

As you start growing up, you start developing unmet desires, getting experience about people, adopting values from your surroundings and forming beliefs from a number of sources.

First four factors make your love catalog. Your love catalog is a list of things you wish that your partner should have.

For example, if someone is usually bullied, they might develop and an unmet desire to be strong, as a result they might want that their partner should be assertive and strong.

A girl who believes that she is ugly might add a quality in her love catalog that her potential partner must call her beautiful.

A girl who is in good terms with her father might add a quality in her love catalog that her potential partner should have similar personality to her father.

Now suppose that your love catalog has 20 things which you wish that your partner should have.

Then if someone matches 8 or less than 8 qualities from that list, most probably you will not consider them as relationship partner.

On the other hand, the more qualities someone is meeting from your love catalog, the more probability it will be that you will fall in love with that person.

For example, if someone is meeting 12 of those qualities, you will feel attraction for them. Moreover, if someone meets 15 of those qualities, you will really fall in love with that person.

And if someone meets 18 of those qualities, you will fall in love with that person at the first sight. The intensity of feeling attraction for that person will be higher.

When you understand this concept, you will evaluate that ‘The soul mate’ concept is not true.

In my training material ‘The Master Training Kit: How to Get Over Your Ex In 14 Days’ I show this concept very clearly. In this training material, I also help my valued customers that if they know this concept of love catalog, they won’t regret past relationships and old memories that much.

Because if you miss someone who met 10 qualities of your love catalog, then you will be able to find someone else who meets 12, 15 or even 18 of those qualities.

It means that you will have better possibilities to find a better person than your ex. Moreover, you will have better possibilities to enjoy and live a far better relationship.

Most people develop their love catalogs unconsciously. They actually don’t know that their subconscious minds are developing their love catalog as they are getting older and gaining experience from life.

Why does someone seem attractive in starting but unattractive later?

The timing the other persons enters into our life is a big factor of falling in love with them.

What if Stephanie enters into John’s life when he had finished his college and he had got a good job?

In this case, John might not feel that much for Stephanie because there is no Daniel.

If you close your eyes and think about your past, you will find at least one person whom you considered unattractive at the beginning but you found them very attractive later.

It is also possible that you found someone very attractive at the first sight, but found them average or unattractive later. 🙂

You might have wondered in such a situation, but you would not have any answers at that time.

Well, I will give you the right answer of your old, unanswered question.

The reason why someone seems attractive in the starting but unattractive later is that the timing they entered into your life has changes. Or, your unmet desires have changed due to changes in the life.

In the story of John, Daniel and Stephanie, what would happen if John had started building muscles and learning martial art?

What if one day John had stopped Daniel to make fun of him and had beaten him badly?

In that case, how much attraction had John felt for Stephanie if he had met her in college?

I think that you have got your answer.

The rules which regulate the process of falling in love with someone heavily depend on the timing the other persons enter in our lives and our failures (which creates our unmet desires).

Our Failures and Unmet desires –

We all have some sort of failures in our lives; therefore we all have some sort of unmet desires.

For example, if a girl fails to become an engineer, she might develop an unmet desire that her partner must be an engineer so that she can compensate for her failure (see more Relationship Dissatisfaction).

A guy may develop an unmet desire that he should have full control over a girl whose face is round and who has a big nose.

However, he might not understand that he develops this desire because he has a bossy boss who has this symmetry of face. She usually shouts at him and he has no control over her. this is how he develops this unmet desire.

Your Values and Beliefs –   

Another factor which regulates our process of falling in love with someone is your values.

In the above story, John and Stephanie both give equal value to academic success. They both have a level of similar life values.

The 4th factor in love with a certain type of people is your beliefs. We all attracted to the persons who have similar beliefs to us.

This is the reason why some people become volunteers of political organizations. Similar political beliefs make those persons attracted to each other.

The more similar beliefs you have with a certain person, the more you’ll become attracted to them.

The last factor of falling in love is how the other person reacts.

Did you fall in love with Justin Bieber or Britney Spears?

People are crazy for celebrities, yet it is not very common to be in one sided love with any celebrity.

The reason why people don’t consider celebrities as relationship partners is that they believe that they are out of their league.

However, it is not an important factor, yet some people don’t fall in love with someone unless the other person gives some types of positive responses.


Decode your love code –

People develop their love code by the combination of all these factors. Every person has unique past therefore they develop unique unmet desires. Moreover, they also adopt beliefs from their surroundings.

As a person grows, he or she develops his or her love catalog (a list about how their partner should be).

When someone enters into their life, their subconscious mind quickly scan the qualities of that person whether they are good for relationship, or they should be friends.

For example, an introverted guy might develop an unmet desire that his partner should be assertive and brave.

Thus, whenever he comes across any woman who is assertive and brave, he will feel a great amount of attraction towards her. If she also matches some of his other criteria, he will fall in love with that girl.

Reasons why we fall in love at first sight

It is not a common experience, yet most people experience love at first sight.

Love at first sight happens when your subconscious mind finds that the other person matches most of your unconscious criteria of a potential partner.

Jacob is very good terms with his parents and he loves his mother so much.

Her mother is a religious lady who always has a smile in her face.

She has long and blonde hair.

One day, Jacob sees a girl at church. She is Julia. Julia has very similar personality to Jacob’s mother.

She has long, blonde hair and she smiles at Jacob the same way as Jacob’s mother does.

At the moment, Jacob sees Julia, his subconscious mind take a quick scan and finds that she is meeting most of the unconscious criteria of love. She is a good fit for his love catalog.

Thus, Jacob gets feelings of love.

Do all people fall in love?

It is very safe to say that two types of people fall in love:

  • Singles
  • People who are in troublesome relationships

Normally, people who are already in a good relationship don’t fall in love with another one.

The subconscious minds of singles are always in a hunt for a partner. Whenever those singles encounter with someone, their subconscious minds make a quick scan and find out how many items the new person is meeting to their Love Catalog.

The same thing happens for the people who are in troublesome relationship.

This is also the reason why some people develop a new relationship just before they breakup with their old partner.

Those people find that they are not is the ideal relationship they wished to be with. So they usually develop relationships with someone who seems to meeting the larger number of their Love Catalog.

How do you fall in love with someone?

So, here is my quick question for you. Considering the knowledge of this page examine yourself how you fell in love with someone in the past.

How to fall in love with someone you don’t love?

This question is usually asked by married people who have lost their interests in their partners.

If this is your question, then you should ask yourself, “Why do I don’t like my partner that much?”

When you deeply examine this question, you will find that either you or your partner’s love catalog has changed.

It means:

  • Either you or your partner’s unmet desires have changed
  • Either you or your partner’s values for life has changed
  • Either you or your partner’s core beliefs have changed

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  • why do we fall in love with certain people?
  • why do we love someone
About The Author

Alex J. Stevenson

Alex J. Stevenson isn't a PhD holder on psychology. However, he better understand how to use psychology in real life to forget an ex and feel good.   By doing so, he has helped thousands of men and women to get over their exes (see praise here).   If you've been struggling to get over your ex, get access to his training material The Master training Kit: How to Get Over Your Ex In 14 Days. He guarantees that you will recover from your breakup, or else your money will be refunded.


  • mustafa2222

    July 24, 2017

    Love, love is complicated human feeling that has multi dimensional approach.
    First, a desire which controls our behaviors second, fulfilling needs for security
    as mentioned by Maslo, who mentioned love as the second line of needs.
    How we love, differs from person to person some one love due to heart and other due to eye!

  • Adrita

    July 24, 2017

    Love catalog! OMG! Why have I not got it earlier? My life would have much easier with it.
    While reading, I was relating myself with the rule of unmet desires.

    I wanted to join defense but I was rejected for my lack of leadership skills. My father was a cadet & he has all the officer like qualities.

    So basically I grew attracted to defense officers and ended up with two failed relationships. Till today I was wondering, where did I go wrong? Today I realized I was giving too much importance to my one unmet desire only.

    However I have more than 12 qualities in my love catalog.

    Unfortunately time did not wait for me. Love searching time was over & I got into an arranged marriage. In the beginning everything was right.

    But with time my marriage is shaking. Because still now my love catalog is ruled by one unmet desire. Now that I have learned where the problem is, I’ll try to sort it out & save my marriage. If not, I’ll search for a better partner, & this time I’ll do it right. Thank you.

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